On writing

I always had it in my mind that I should show the world more of what I have in my head. I don’t think it’s possible that I’m the only one — the only one with such weird stuff in mind. I called it weird, but for me, it’s completely normal. Why wouldn’t it be? I’m not crazy. It’s just how I think. And also, no one thinks the same way you do. That’s hella scary for me. This means you’re alone. We are alone. You just have one sir that is 100% able to understand you, and he died more than 2000 years ago. Lucky us, we can still talk to him, but hear from him is kinda difficult.

I’ve already posted bike videos, gaming videos, wrote some articles, poems. As a kid, even a fanfic I wrote. But never thought about it as a thing I needed to do. And to be honest, I don’t know if I need. Does anyone know what they need to do? Or what they do? I guess most people don’t know What and Why are they doing anything. Like, how much you think about it? I suppose you go to work, or school. Why? What? What exactly are you doing, and why? It can’t be just for money, just to be happy, or just because you need to do. When you actually need, okay, you don’t even have the time to think about it, and in that case, obviously is unnecessary. But talking about the people with the “bare minimum” conditions, which can do decisions in life. How much they think? Oh you want work hard to get a lot of money and then enjoy your life with family and friends? Yeah that’s sounds really good, everyone would love it. But why? Why do you want it? Is to make you happy? Is to make you feel good? Is to make you feel that you’re feeling good? Is to do what you’re supposed to do? Is to be a good person? Is because you saw someone doing and want to be like that? Besides that, what exactly are you doing? I’ll assume you didn’t thought much about the Why, but after it, we also have the What.

Imagine I want to be a game proplayer. Because yes, I just felt that I should do it — in my heart or mind or soul. I don’t see any problem in that. I said you need to know why, not have a deep Why. So, in order to become a proplayer, I need to play well, right? So why am I writing? Why am I sleeping? Why am I eating? Why am I drinking with friends, traveling to Ireland, or even working? Those things will not make me a proplayer. Oh, so clearly I don’t want to just be a proplayer, I want more. Did you get that? I need to know why I am doing stuff, and after that, what I’m doing. Because if I do stuff without knowing the reasons, or I have purposes and do nothing about it, I’m lost. I’m wasting my life. Or maybe I’m just not an anxious paranoic schizo.

A few years ago, I read a book from Peterson where he wrote a quote I’d never forget. The quote is at the top of my blog. “When you have something to say, the silence is a lie”. Yesterday I read an blog post from Fabio Akita. He said, and this is a translation, that every developer should write — write for themselves, not for others. And that’s kinda obvious too. Like, who do you think would like to read your writings? your thoughts? You think because people follow you on social midia or talk to you means that they’re interested? Unless you’re a beautiful woman, most people don’t give a shit. And that’s just normal, I think most men know this and don’t even see it as a problem. Anyway, he said that in a more corporative/business way, to improve communication skills and etc. But I always felt that I should do it more, for myself.

And here I am, writing one of the few articles I usually post in my blog. I usually think a lot, write a bit, and show almost nothing. That’s because when you show, you pressure yourself to make it better, because you will be judged. And we must be. Not exactly us, but what we do, of course. Back to Peterson, he also say that speaking (showing yourself to others) is how you can know you’re not crazy, because you need to know what you’re doing in the perspective of the others. With that, you make better decisions since you have more “research material” in your mind. Maybe you are crazy, or live around crazy people. Now you can decide if you seek help or another place to live.